“You're mean!”
It's my daughter. Although, to be fair, it could so easily be a client.
Because sometimes the things I say, are mean.
To a mind.
🤷🏻♂️
And what has provoked this snap judgement of my character, you may ask?
Oh, I can't remember. One of life's little irritations. It'll have been stairs-related, surely? An item of clothing perhaps, that should (🚩) be here, when it's not – it's there, instead?
All I know is that one minute I can hear carefree singing coming from the shower downstairs, and the next minute—up here—there's crossness and shouting and things being flung.
How do I respond?
Well, if you've been paying attention you'll know that I don't really get to choose. My response will depend on the way I'm seeing the world, right there in that very moment; what level my ‘consciousness elevator’ is on.
So…
- If I'm distracted by the mind's insecurities—and it looks like there's a lot of ‘Giles’ there to protect—I'll feel like I'm under attack, and will go into what they call fight, flight or freeze mode (i.e. I'll yell, or wander off, or just despair).
- And when I'm feeling bright and breezy and rolling with the punches—‘Giles’ nowhere to be seen; nothing to protect—I'll feel empathy and see the funny side of it all, reacting accordingly.
Which in this case manifests as me hunting around the room, making a big deal of looking behind doors and under things, prompting,
“What are you doing?”
“It's gone! I can't find it! I'm trying to help.”
“What?”
“Your sense of humour. I think you might have left it somewhere… the bathroom maybe? On the floor, most likely.”
😂🤣😂🤣
This was not received with the appreciation it deserved, I feel!!
All I got in return was,
“You're mean!”
My parental duty
Look, living with me must be a right pain in the arse sometimes, but I feel like once I've ensured my daughter's immediate physical safety—we wear seatbelts, we strongly discourage walking while looking at phone messages, and we teach basic principles of food hygiene, with varying degrees of success—I've only really got one overall job.
Because whenever that happens, we reconnect to life and get immediately put back in touch with wisdom, common sense, perspective, psychological wellbeing, intuition, creativity…
…and our sense of humour.
That's the first thing to go, as I'm sure you'll attest.
(It's a great pointer, for you, too!)
Throughout her life, my daughter is going to face all manner of difficulty, tragedy, conflict, confusion and sadness, and she'll handle all of it with grace and wisdom and common sense… if she knows where to look for them.
So pointing her back to presence; to her inner okayness—to her ‘guide inside’—is basically my life's work.
There's loads more I'll teach her of course, but all else stems from that. Everything.
It will be the hill I die on; a duty I will carry out indefatigably.
To not do so would be negligent…
…and sometimes—to a mind—that may seem mean.
I love you kiddo!
❤️❤️❤️
Giles
In the mood for some related content? (Select ▽)
There are a few Daily Reminders in the archives that look in this direction and a couple of different ways to access them:
- Visit the Parenting topic, for all related content now available in the Archives
Or if you'd rather do it directly from here, the curated ones I'd recommend are:
- “Do you worry about your daughter's future?” (could almost be a companion-piece to this one)
- Adolescence (in which we look at what happened in the hit TV programme, to uncover the deeper reasons why he did what he did)
- Do you sometimes get mad with your self? (which speaks to the whole ‘life's little irritations’ thing – and how to handle them better)
- It's not about remembering (takes a deeper look at this notion of ‘choosing’ our behaviour, in any moment
- The one relationship that defines all others (another deeper look at identity, our relationship to Thought, and how it shapes all else)
- Who's under attack? (which takes that notion further)
- Thought, masquerading as presence (the one about the Great Glass Consciousness Elevator 🛗 A classic.)
- Mind names (where this relentless pursuit of mine spilled over into my daughter's creativity 😂)