Who's to blame?

I bumped my head and it was like life, in a nutshell.

I’d left the house and when I came back, my wife had hung something out to air in the back yard.

Brushing past the washing line – SMACK!

💥

My head hit the hanging metal peg basket that I’d not noticed. It was a painful shock.

What happens first

Well, interestingly, the first way this mind-body responded to the situation was to yell,

“Ouch!!”

I had no control over that, it just came out.

This is important to see. Because this is our conditioning. It’s like a trauma response or something. I can’t change it; it’s a sort of reflex.

(Remember this, the next time you have an instant reaction to a situation, and start beating yourself up.)

It’s the just the mind-body, responding in a way that’s appropriate to it, and all the information it’s already got, stored away in there.

That’s your stuff. Own it.

Now, does this mean I’ll always shout “Ouch!!” out loud, in such a situation?

(Will you always react the same way, in that situation you always seem to react to?)

No! To believe things will always be the same is just a mind, with its black & white, this-is-just-how-it-is, algorithmic, judgemental thinking.

🤖

Things change. Perspectives change. We change!

So maybe there’ll be a time when it doesn’t turn out like that. I don’t know. I can’t predict the future.

(I mean, what might change is that I slow down a bit and look where I’m going? Maybe that’s the change that leads to no “Ouch!!” 🤷🏻‍♂️)

What happens next

What happens next is determined by my grounding in that moment.

(Where ‘Grounding’ = Level of consciousness = Mood = How I’m seeing life.)

On this occasion, although I was rushed enough to not really be looking where I was going, it just so happened that I wasn’t in a super-low mood or anything.

So, after the reflex “Ouch!!” three things happened in quick succession:

1. I briefly swore at the inanimate object (which is pointless)
2. I experienced the tiniest flash of anger at the fact that the peg basket was there in the first place, and I wasn’t the one who’d put it there (again; pointless)
3. I then immediately had the idea for this Daily Reminder.

How awesome is that? All of that just happened. Not one iota of it in my control.

I didn't choose to swear. I didn't choose to feel anger. I didn't make the idea appear.

Just like everything that happens in life.

Playing the blame game

The mind loves to blame.

It has this need to create a story about why everything happens.

It thinks that it needs to know who is at fault… in order to establish that it isn't at fault.

😂

(If you live in the litigious U.S. I’m guessing this is not news to you. Closer to home, if you’ve got kids, you’ll have seen this in action – everything that happens has to be attributed as being someone’s fault!)

So in the above scenario, the mind wants to absolve itself of any responsibility for the fact that an incident occurred where the body got damaged (albeit very lightly).

The great irony being that the only reason I smashed my head in the first place was because I was distracted (by it!!!) and not really paying attention to my surroundings.

🤦🏻‍♂️

Blame Level 1

As you’ll have seen above, the most immediate thing for the mind to blame was the peg basket itself.

(I can’t believe I just typed that.)

But hey, I was the one swearing at it! And honestly, there would have been a time in my life where I was so wound up all the time by my thinking that I would have punched it (further damaging the body), or picked it up and thrown it against the wall (incurring cost).

It is possible to be that lost. That asleep to the nature of things.

I’ve been there. (Have you?)

😐

Blame Level 2

And as it scrabbled around for something a little less ridiculous than an inanimate object, it moved on. The next thing it could find to blame was the person who’d put it there. My wife.

Now, if I’d been in a super-low mood, I suspect I would have got into a massive story about that:

• “Why does she need to hang stuff out to air anyway? I wouldn’t do that!” (Reality check: I do weird, unhelpful stuff in the back yard with my bikes all the time.)
• “Why not move the peg basket out of the way? I always do!” (Reality check: I really don’t. I’ve hit my head on it hanging washing out myself, countless times.)
• And all sorts of other nonsense that didn’t occur to me at the time, but I could certainly make up now, as I sit here writing.

Having had a fair amount of experience of the Giles Ego Construct Patterns Of Behaviour (G.E.C.P.O.B. – catchy! 📦) I also suspect that in spite of this malcontent, I probably wouldn’t have said anything.

(Because let’s face it – those complaints sound pretty silly when written down, don't they?)

And if I didn’t say anything, I’m betting that resentful internal dialogue would have simmered on and, ironically, because I’d have been caught up in a whole bunch of thinking, it means:

• I’d be crashing around in that way we do when we’re angry inside our heads
• I’d very likely then have stubbed a toe, or spilled a drink, or dropped something or bumped into a door frame
• Everything would have appeared much worse.

I think this is what they mean by Thought creating our reality.

💭🖼️

What’s your point, Giles?

All of it—this whole thing!—lies downstream of my relationship with Thought.

👉🏻 Unaware, I give it meaning, listen to it and take it seriously → my day is ruined.*

👉🏻 Aware of the MECHANICS of how this stuff works, I see my reaction for what it is and let it pass on through → you get this Daily Reminder.

You’re welcome!

💟

Giles

p.s. *In fairness, given that I’ve committed to sending one of these out every day, and life’s happenstance delivers such bounteous gifts of insight, even the ‘ruined day’ version would probably have made it into the page at some point! 😂

p.p.s. Obviously, the real answer to this question is: No One Is To Blame 🎵😉

Mentioned above

Embrace your inner weird

Do you have weird behaviours? Me too. How about you stop making a big deal of it? 😅

The Daily RemindersGiles P Croft