The peril of positive self-talk

I have a client who, once every fortnight, has to do something at work, that they don’t like doing, and they find a bit stressful.

Unsurprisingly, the mind can have some stuff to say about that, when its attention is on it, e.g.

• 📦🗣️: “You’re no good at this”
• 📦🗣️: “What if it goes wrong?”
• 📦🗣️: “You’re going to get in trouble if you make a mistake.”

Conversely, in a different frame of mind (they told me),

“Sometimes when I'm in a high mood I rationalise that I'm actually ok at it all…”

Which seems better, doesn’t it? It’s a more positive perspective.

It seems like its putting the mind in its place: Hey! Actually buddy, no! I call the shots around here! Be off with you, with all your bad vibes, I can’t be doing with it any more! I’m not listening to you!

But hang on. Isn’t that just more of the same? (The clue is in the word ‘rationalise’.)

Isn’t that just ‘turning up the master volume’ on the entire system? (A previous Daily Reminder it’s worth revisiting.)

We’re engaging thought on its own terms—trying to out-positive all its negativity—all the while, innocently and inevitably strengthening its hold over us, by engaging with it at all.

Because… what is it you’re using to ‘engage’ with it in the first place?

Look, there’s nothing wrong with positive self-talk.

There’s also nothing wrong with negative self-talk.

The mind (which is the ‘self’; little ‘s’) is going to have moments where it talks negatively to itself, and moments where it talks positively to itself.

(If yours is anything like mine, the former will outweigh the latter - I think it’s an evolutionary thing, guys!)

And this is of no concern to you.

Let it.

The less involved you get—positive or negative judgements—the less of a ‘problem’ it becomes.

And the more you get to live your life, bringing your gifts into the world, in spite of anything the mind says.

💟

Giles

Related

Turning up the master volume

Techniques for increasing self-confidence often have the opposite effect – here’s why ↩️

The Daily RemindersGiles P Croft