Back in my first year at Uni, a girlfriend really got me into The The.
Being a goofy 80's pop kind of kid, it really wasn't my thing—a baptism of fire!—but I was desperate to impress her so I listened to loads of it and eventually warmed to the desolate, unforgiving visions of Matt Johnson, and his gravelly voice.
I'm grateful I was pushed out of my musical comfort zone like that, because I still really love listening to The The, now! (The fact it was set to the catchiest, ear-wormiest kind of music really helped.)
Anyway, in my second year of Uni, they released a new album—the utterly brilliant Dusk—which starts with the following lyric; a lyric that really got under my skin:
“And have you ever wanted something
So badly
That it possessed your body and your soul
Through the night and through the day?
Until you finally get it…
And then you realise
That it wasn't what you wanted
After all.
And then those self-same
Sickly little thoughts
Now go and attach themselves
To something (or somebody) new!
And the whole goddamn thing
Starts
All over
Again.”
(I know it got under my skin 'cos I can type those lyrics out without looking them up or even having to play the track. And, umm, here I am, writing about it, more than 30 years later!)
Although I didn’t realise it at the time, listening to that—a lot!—changed my relationship with goals.
It kind of took the shine off them, even back then, and I thought I was being a bit cool and nihilistic wallowing in The The lyrics, making out like nothing mattered and Oh what's the point?!
(I was in my early 20's – let's give the fledgling Giles Ego Construct 📦 a break here.)
Only one problem
Trouble was, I still really wanted to achieve things.
Make something of my life. Be a better version of me.
Live a life of service, yes—I was training to be a doctor, after all—but also to have all the things; a life of plenty!
I wanted stuff and I wanted lots of it, even if that lyric was whispering away somewhere in the back of my mind…
“That's not the answer, Giles, it's just the ‘whole goddamn thing starting all over again.’”
But I didn’t know what else to do. I didn’t know any other way of being. I hadn't really taken enough meaning from the lyrics to the degree where they eased my mind in any way.
Especially when the track finishes with these lines:
“The only true freedom
Is freedom from the heart's desires
And the only true happiness
This way lies.”
…which at the time I just thought was crackers! (Hadn't he heard that I really wanted stuff?!)
“Sod that!” I remember thinking, “That's simply not possible.”
…but I still kept on listening, trying to squeeze more juice out of those words.
Trying to ‘get it’.
A more nuanced view
It's easy to read or listen to lyrics like this and for the mind to go into black and white mode, interpreting it as:
No desire = Good
And when it's read as an instruction, or an overall gold standard to aim at like that, then it's not going to make much sense to a human being, because that state (pure being/no human) is indeed unattainable.
To be human is to have wants and preferences and values and goals and desires.
That's normal. It's fun! It's what this adventure is all about, surely?
Does it come with risks? Of course! (All adventures do.)
And I think those risks go hand in hand with how much we allow the ‘sickly little thoughts’ to ‘attach themselves’, not so much to the thing they're lusting after—that's a given—but more to our wellbeing.
When we see a goal, or the realisation of a desire, as ‘the way’ to be happy, we're on a hiding to nothing, because it might shut ego up for a bit (i.e. the ‘heart stops desiring’), but it'll just get revved back up again pretty soon, and yes – ‘the whole goddamn thing starts all over again.’
But holding these desires more lightly; seeing them as more of a directional guide than a specific outcome that is needed ‘in order to be ok’, I think means we're much more likely to experience more moments of ‘freedom from the heart's desires.’
Because who we really are is that freedom, and it's there all the time.
And I think that knowing that ‘true freedom’ is there—not for us to experience all the time, but to fall into at any moment—is half the battle.
It's why I suggested a very gentle new year's direction-setting exercise for you, rather than getting you to write out a whole load of ‘new somethings’ for the mind to go attaching your wellbeing to.
💟
Giles
p.s. You can listen to the opening track from Dusk (and the rest of the album) on YouTube, here: True Happiness This Way Lies.
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Giles P Croft
What happens when we do attach to outcomes.