I was working with a client who was having a tough time of it at work.
People weren’t all that nice. There was a fair bit of dickish, ego-based behaviour going around and it was all a bit stressful. Verging on ‘toxic.’
We can all relate, because we’ve all been there.
They wanted to know what to do about it; how to respond. How to feel less under attack all the time, basically.
So we slowed down and started to look at the MECHANICS of how this workplace situation was being experienced.
🔎
At the most fundamental level, there’s a bunch of meaningless data being picked up by the senses, and the mind is asking itself the same old question it always asks:
🧠🤖 What must be ‘true’ for me to be receiving this particular set of data?
It then delivers its conclusion, in the form of our moment-to-moment felt experience. (‘Reality’, if you’re in the mood for slapping labels on stuff today.)
Nothing controversial about that. It’s basic neuroscience.
Granted, it’s not your run of the mill take on how we perceive situations but we’re soooooo not about ‘run of the mill takes’ here at the Daily Reminders!! 🤨
(I’m guessing that’s why you keep showing up.)
Anyway, when the mind is scratting around, rifling through its personal records of how-stuff-is, in order to furnish you with its conclusion (i.e. the version of ‘reality’ you get), it’s using the contents of your Thought System 📦 to do so.
Ah.
Pandora’s Box 📦
Now, there’s some nonsense in there, isn’t there? We know this.
Maybe some bad stuff, too. Childhood. All that crap your parents laid on you. Playground bullies. Previous work situations. This morning’s news headlines, even! 😱
All of it is in the mix, when the mind is inhaling all of this meaningless data from your environment and turning it into something you can use: Your felt experience.
That’s so important to see.
Because whatever the mind’s up to in that very moment—including whichever of those ‘bad bits’ it’s chosen to double down on today—that’s what you’re going to get.
It’s almost as if the mind is cheating you out of what’s happening, in order to give you its take on what’s happening, depending on whatever mood it’s in!
Which is a bit harsh, when you think about it.
But, dear reader, it gets worse.
There’s more!
Because as if that wasn’t bad enough, it’s then going to take that experience it’s furnished you with and try and set up a rule (because minds are cheeky little computers that like to run predictive algorithms 🤖) and before you know it, you’ve got yourself a pretty solid correlation going on.
- Bad workplace behaviour seems to go hand in hand with feeling stressed
- Your kid screams at you and you find yourself in fight or flight
- A full inbox seems to be associated with feelings of overwhelm and inadequacy
- Interactions with a particular person seem to always end in tears/anger/disappointment
There's nothing wrong with any of this – it's just what minds do. But minds are also lazy good at energy conservation, and if they can get away with furnishing you with the same old response time and time again, they will.
They don’t really want to have to go making up new deductive pathways all the time, so you’ll get layers and layers of these correlations, and before you know it…
There’s even more!
Yup, you’ve guessed it. The mind takes that correlation it’s worked so hard at proving and gives it what I refer to as a ‘causal upgrade’.
It puts on its best outside-in suit and states boldly that the feeling it’s created for you is actually being caused by the meaningless environmental data:
- You’re feeling stressed because of the bad work behaviour
- You feel shame and guilt because your kid screamed at you
- You feel inadequate because there are lots of unanswered emails
- You’re angry because of having a conversation with that person.
And I hate to say this, but it will continue to do this—pattern-matching; seeing what it expects to see—and it will keep on giving you a tough time of things until someone comes along, grasps you gently but firmly by the shoulders and reminds you that IT DOESN’T WORK LIKE THAT!!!!
(Hi 👋🏻)
Solutions please Giles – I’m here for solutions!!
Well, just seeing that this game of mind-charades is going on all the time is enough for it to lose some of its power. When you shine a light on its bad behaviour and see it for what it is—more useless mind rubbish you don’t have to take seriously—it retreats, somewhat sheepishly.
There’s nothing you have to do (there’s nothing you can do) at the time. The more you look in this direction, the more situations will just start to change, themselves.
- Bad work behaviour will happen, and you see a person attached to their own thinking
- Your kid screams at you and you see they’re scared
- There are a bazillion emails and… oh well 🤷🏻♂️
- You see that person and notice something you have in common for the first time.
That’s the beauty of this exploration. Because we’re talking about the principles behind how we experience the world, all you have to do is show up, be present, retain an open mind and look for the evidence in your own life… and things will change.
Guaranteed.
Pro-Level Answer
Ok, if you’re going to push me for an answer to the question:
“How do I feel less under attack all the time?”
It’s to explore a little more deeply what it is that looks like it’s under attack.
But that’s another story for another day.
🧐
Giles
p.s. If your mind's scrabbling around desperately, saying “WHUT?!” after reading this, it's ok. Either step away and let it percolate for a bit, or read some more MECHANICS-themed Daily Reminders.
(Or post your questions in the comments below. Or just drop me a line.)
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Giles P Croft
Follow your curiosity, jump in the time machine and carry on reading.