Are you trying to figure it out?

I’m curious. Is that what this is, for you?

A puzzle of sorts. A feeling, a bit like the old tip-of-the-tongue phenomenon, where it seems so close you can almost touch it, but nothing’s happening?

“If I can just ‘get’ what Giles is talking about, then things will be different.”

That sort of thing?

I see this with a lot of clients, and I think it’s very normal and natural. (You are definitely not alone! 💝)

Here’s why.

We’ve been programmed from birth, through our schooling and into adult life, that the answers lie in understanding information:

• Take it in
• Understand it
• (then when needed) Recall it
• Apply it
• (then to get better) Keep practicing applying it.

It’s the shoelace-tying model. Or the performing-surgery model. Stuff you need to know how to do.

And of course we bring this same approach to happiness and wellbeing, innocently enough:

• I need to understand this
• I need to remember this
• I need to apply this
• (nothing’s happening, so) I need to practice this.

Could it be the searching, the ‘needing to…’ itself, that’s actually getting in the way of us realising that?

🤷🏻‍♂️

I worked with a client, not long ago. Medic. Brainy. Diligent. Fun-loving. Stuck!

In his own words:

“I was up against a fairly constant inner monologue of feelings of inadequacy, self-doubt about career decisions and frustration that my life didn't really match up with what I thought it should look like.”

Somewhat unsurprisingly, he’d tried solving this situation with the understand-recall-apply-practice model.

I mean, why wouldn’t you? It makes total sense to try doing that. I get it!

And being on my mailing list for some time, in this case, that had manifested as watching a bunch of my videos, reading a ton of the books I’d recommended or mentioned over time (I want to say all of them! 😆), and trying to figure out what the solution was.

Needless to say, mindfulness meditation, online CBT, work-life balance coaching and a ton of other books too, had also all been tried, to no avail.

Again, in his words:

“I realised that when I was reading lots of wellbeing books, it was because my left brain thought there was ‘a solution’ to the reason I was stressed and low in mood ‘about my life’. If I could apply enough knowledge at the right times, then things would change.”

And it wasn’t working.

So we spent time exploring these things: how change works; what we need to do/not do, to experience wellbeing; what to look for; what’s really going on.

And a shift occurred (as it inevitably does - the mind can only fight reality for so long! 🤷🏻‍♂️)

Interestingly, this shift illuminated all the books and all the ‘learning’ in a very light.

For when we looked back at all the reading that had been done, from that fresh vantage point, we could see that every single one of those books* had the same overarching theme:

😲

And that’s the direction I point my clients in.

Here's what happened:

“Talking with Giles has helped me take my foot off the accelerator when it comes to ‘trying’ to get better wellbeing. Speaking 1:1 has given me multiple insights that I wouldn't have gained reading books or even watching videos, by linking things to my own experiences.

This has helped me take thoughts and feelings less seriously and get some space between the present moment and what my mind might have to say about it.”

💗

In tomorrow’s Daily Reminder, I’m going to talk a bit about what ‘taking your foot off the accelerator’ looks like, as we explore another very common—almost consequent—sticking point: the dreaded ‘waiting for insight to strike’.

⏳🧐😴😖

💟

Giles

*p.s. I’m going to go out on a limb here and suggest that if you’ve read a couple of 3 Principles/Innate Health/Inside Out Understanding-related books and not experienced significant changes, then I don’t think there’s much point in just reading more. You need to change up the way you’re approaching this.

GET YOUR OWN CHANGES

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