Impossible expectations

In one memorable conversation I had, I was helping someone get the most out of being on someone else’s change programme!

😂

(Giles is such a stand up guy.)

This person had gone into it with such expectations—really enthusiastic, chomping at the bit, couldn’t wait to see the changes they wanted to see—but once they got started, it all seemed a bit disappointing.

In their own words:

“I feel like I’m on a launching pad, but it’s beneath a willow tree… and I’m stuck in mud!”

We’ve all been there (I know I certainly have) and there’s very natural mental fallout from these disappointments:

• Oh. I thought this was going to be the answer, and it isn’t
• What’s wrong with me - nothing seems to work?!
• This is such a waste of time and money, I wish I hadn’t signed up
• I’m a useless failure and I’m basically stuck like this for ever 😞

Blah, blah, blah-dee, blah blah from blah-ville.

Honestly, minds!

🙄

Now, if this had been a programme that was all about learning how to re-wire a fridge (is that a thing?), or how to use accounting software or something, then this might be a bit more understandable. Under such circumstances I think it's fair enough for the mind to complain:

“I came here to learn this skill and you’ve not taught me that skill!”

…but it wasn’t. It was a change programme.

And the mind knows nothing about change.

It thinks it does, because over the course of a life, it’s observed a whole load of change happening, and it’s subsequently ‘got involved’ by conceptualising that change and turning it into a story (no doubt taking credit for the bits that it likes).

But it’s not the cause of change. It doesn’t instigate change. And it certainly can’t put its order in for change, and then get what it wants.

Because that’s what all these expectations are, aren’t they?

The mind, creating a story about how it thinks things (or the change process) are going to go, and then—very understandably—getting all disappointed when things don’t happen the way it wanted.

🤷🏻‍♂️

The great irony here, of course, is that the mind is the source of the original ‘problem’ we want to change.

And then, as it muses on this problem it's created, it's also the source of the predicted ‘solution’ to its problem (that can never be fulfilled, because it’s completely made up), and then it’s getting upset when it observes its made up solution to its made up problem not coming to fruition.

😂

These are IMPOSSIBLE expectations.

I don’t think there’s anything to be done, but be wise to its tricks. A mind is always going to behave like this, because it's just what minds do: they're restless, by nature.

But we can see through the mind's tricks and not add fuel to the (inevitable) fire by going down the route of wondering,

“What’s wrong with me?!”

Because that’s just more useless mind rubbish as well.

💟

Giles

p.s. Of course, you can know this, and plan for it, and try and avoid it, but even knowing it’s likely to happen is just… the mind setting expectations of how it’s going to fall out of its own expectations!!! 🤯😆

p.p.s. And what happens if expectations are met? Well then, firstly you'll notice the mind saying that it's never enough, and then, not long after, you'll find the whole goddamn thing starts… all over… again.

#QuitTheGame