Here's something I bet you do.
And I'll tell you what – I'm confident this is a bet I'd win, because it's humanOS 101.
We all do it. All the time.
And why is nobody talking about it?
Because we've taken it for granted – me too!
This one's so obvious (and so damned pernicious) that I'm guilty of not talking about it enough.
But it came up in a coaching conversation today, so let's do just that.
The natural tendency
We're future-looking creatures. We have goals. This is no bad thing.
I'm not here to vilify goals. I can prove it to you, look:
Giles P Croft
I love me a goal. Especially when there's food at the end of it 😋
But if we don't remain aware that a goal:
- is made of thought
- isn't actually a ‘thing’
- can never turn out exactly how we (i.e. the mind) imagine(s)
- won't deliver the kind of peace of mind we seek, long term
…then we can easily become a slave to them.
We start living our lives with a subtle “I'll be happy when…” seeking-script running in the background.
Workplace goals
My client works in an organisation where goals are de rigeur. It's probably the same for you, even if you work for yourself. The most common scenario is this (see if it resonates for you):
- You're given something to aim towards (an outcome, that you may even be measured against) by your boss
- You're told you have x amount of time and y amount of resource to achieve this outcome, and you're let loose on it
- You do your best, and feel like you have a sense of purpose – I'm going to achieve this goal! The hard work and problem-solving all feels worthwhile.
- You're excited to be working towards this goal – it's what you're here for, and this one is bigger and better than the last. When this goal is achieved, everything will be alright! All the stress and worry will be worth it!
- After a lot of toil and trouble, the finish line is in sight, and eventually you achieve your goal. You feel fantastic! 🥳 🙌🏻 🎊
- The next day (or sooner) there's a sense of anticlimax and a feeling that the achievement of this goal hasn't quite delivered the levels of satisfaction, wellbeing and peace that you'd been imagining
- You hit a bit of a slump. Maybe the goal wasn't big enough? But never mind, because the next day…
- You're given something to aim towards (an outcome, that you may even be measured against) by your boss.
😆
And on it goes.
(In this scenario, if you're self-employed like I am, you're the sodding boss which makes it 10 times as bad, because the I'll-be-happy-when goals you set yourself are frankly ridiculous.)
So why doesn't the high last?
It's because…
Oh, hang on, I need to be a bit careful and sneaky here, because minds are very wedded to the utility and importance of goals, and if go into Teacher Mode™ 👨🏻🏫—just telling you how it is—it may well rebel against this one.
So let's pose it as a question, instead, see how that lands.
Tell you what, I'll swear too – make you laugh a bit. That always helps information to go in.
There. I said it.
I mean, stands to reason, doesn't it? Because we know that:
🔑 Key Message. 100% of our felt experience of life comes from (The Principle of) Thought and 0% comes from our circumstances.
We also know that:
🔑 Key Message. ALL problems are created by the mind.
So the mind—ego—has its little ‘I'll be happy when…’ seeking-script running in the background all the while we're working towards our goal. It serves as a sort of carrot-on-a-stick: the promise of a ‘better tomorrow’.
And then it gets what it wants. It briefly stops seeking, and during that short window, it shuts up.
You feel contentment.
And then it starts up again, 10 minutes later. Only this time, it needs more.
It's a game you can't win.
It's not just work stuff
I hope it's fairly obvious to you, from this work-place example, how easy it is to fall into the trap of attaching our happiness and peace of mind to goals.
But, like I said at the outset, this is something we all do, all the time!
😱
My client—who's had a few sessions with me now, and is getting their eye in, and reaping the rewards, overheard a colleague literally coming out with the phrase:
“I'll be happy when I've got all this stuff out of the way and it's Christmas.”
…and we both laughed and said,
“Why wait?!” 🤷🏻♂️
Because here's the thing about “all that stuff” – in this example, and in general:
- When you've finished it all, there'll be more stuff. Guaranteed. There is no finish line!
- The image your mind created about how life will be when all the stuff is done, is a work of fiction. It has never existed and it never will.
- If you let go of the I'll-be-happy-when story and choose instead to be happy now… you'll find your dread of actually doing all the stuff will go away, and you'll be way more productive! It's win-win!!
🙌🏻
Final words
I'm going to leave the final words to Richard Carlson, whose amazing book, You Can Be Happy No Matter What, has an entire chapter devoted to reaping the rewards of being more present.
And on this matter, he says,
“When you focus your attention on the present moment, instead of moments that are over or yet to be, you'll maximise your productivity, creativity, and ability to accomplish your goals.
Too many future-oriented or past-oriented thoughts cloud your vision and distract you from what you are doing.
The more present moment-oriented you become, the easier it will be to stay on track, get focused, concentrate, and achieve your goals.
In short, an undistracted mind is able to make wise, appropriate decisions.”
I can't top that!
💟
Giles
Book recommendation
Richard Carlson
Short and sweet and completely life-changing. I have gifted this book to more clients!
Your next reads
Giles P Croft
There is nothing that the mind won't turn into a goal. Even getting perspective on goals! 😵💫
Giles P Croft
What we can all learn from the highs and lows of ‘self’-employment