You can read Part 1, here: Two moods in the room
Part 2, here: Step 1 - Showing up
And Part 3, here: Step 2 - Being present
We’re looking at the process of sharing in 3 basic steps, and if I could boil down the previous two steps in a sentence each, it might look something like this:
- Step 1: Relax out of the need to share, and listen from a place of love
- Step 2: Get present, together, and see what occurs in the ‘sharing space’
And before we move on to Step 3, I want to consolidate those previous two steps with a little passage from the book Unbreak Your Heart by Linda & George Pransky, where they remind us:
“Trying to change your partner is futile. People don't change by being confronted, or through willpower. To have real and lasting change you have to see something new about what it is that you want to be different … This insight has to come from the person making the change. No amount of pressure from you towards your partner is going to create their insight into changing their behaviour. They have to see it for themselves.”
Which of course echoes this one, that I often share with you:
Now, to a mind, that just wants to get its sleeves rolled up and fix this, now! that's endlessly frustrating to hear. But when you have another look at the diagram above, you'll appreciate that ‘pressure’, ‘confrontation’ and ‘willpower’ all live in the (closed) head-space.
Change occurs in presence.
Step 3: Staying open
There are two words right there, so let's examine each in turn.
“Staying”
Put simply, when in the presence of someone you'd like to help in some way, once you meet them in a nice quiet place of love, understanding and reflection, your only job is to stay there!
You'd be amazed (actually, you wouldn't) at how easy it is for the mind/ego to become roused, put on its hobnail boots and jump back into the fray, especially if the other person gets all shook up again and says some stuff (which is likely).
I sometimes feel like egos are covered in buttons, just waiting to be pushed!!!
Is watching this animation pushing yours? 😉
Thankfully you've got an early warning system of your very own, built in – your feelings. Any time you start to feel put upon, insecure, ‘right’, or like you're taking things personally, that's a sign that ego has crept back in again, without you noticing.
Relax. There's nothing under attack here, but an idea. Let it float on by and stay in presence.
“Open”
Back in the original Daily Reminder, all about the 3 necessary ingredients for change, the ‘staying open’ step was all about being willing to be wrong.
(Because being ‘right’ is just a manifestation of ego; what the mind thinks it knows.)
And it's no different here. At the end of the day, you don't know what this other person needs, or what change they are going to see (if any). You're there to help them stay open too, so that change can happen.
You remember back in Step 1, where we discussed the aphorism of leading a horse to water, but not making it drink? That's what these steps are about. By showing up and being present, you're right there with them, at the edge of the water.
If they're curious, they'll drink.
What's not being said
A bit of behind-the-scenes for you here: I had no idea where this little mini-series on sharing was going to go… at any point in the process! It's come together, bit by bit, as I've been writing it.
And you'll note I haven't mentioned sharing the notions of mind, consciousness or thought (the 3 Principles) once.
Nor have I given you instructions about how to demonstrate to someone that they're living in a thought-created perceptual reality.
And the only mention I have made of the thought/feeling connection is above, as it pertains to you staying in a relaxed, open state of mind when being with this person.
None of that stuff is needed for change to occur.
All that's ever required is what I said, right at the outset. And you won't go wrong, if you have this as your guiding light:
Because, to reiterate the advice I was given all those years ago, that has become etched on to my soul (for very good reason!):
How you're being, and the feeling you're coming from, is going to be a far more persuasive form of communication than anything you say.
💝
Giles
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Related
The rest of this mini-series on sharing the Innate Health understanding