I spend a lot of time—here, with groups, helping individuals—talking about a different kind of listening; a way of listening that gets us out of our stories and opens us up to wisdom, opportunity and fresh new ideas & solutions.
A few weeks ago I attended a conference, all about listening, and the speakers there were united in their standpoint: listen beyond the words was the message, reinforcing this notion that listening is a creative process.
So we had Aaron Turner, saying:
“If you don't listen, you don't hear anything other than your own thoughts!”
And Jack Pransky describing listening as “going blank”.
Fenella Blakaj, speaking about how we interact with kids, said that “If we listen quietly ourselves, we can hear a child's wisdom.”
And Stef Cybichowski told an incredibly moving story about how when he properly listened to his endlessly-complaining father, with literally nothing on his mind, he connected to him in a way that he'd never done before – a moment that changed their relationship for ever.
Creative listening—or listening for insight—is powerful stuff, and it's as relevant in the boardroom as it is in the bedroom.
So, while I'm certainly not a master practitioner or anything (ask my wife/daughter), this notion of listening ‘beyond the words’ is there in the background with many of the interactions I have… if only because I've seen for myself how effective it is.
But then I started my new job. Where I didn't don't know anything, and I'm absorbing new information and facts to remember like water on a sponge that's been left out in the sun.
It's funny, at first I freaked out a little bit. The Giles Ego Construct 📦 was all like,
📦🗣️ “Oh my god! You can't listen for insight any more, you need to listen properly! No more of this fancy-schmancy coachy-stuff, you're in the real world now, boy!”
For a moment there, it had me convinced that I'd have to learn (re-learn) a different way of listening, in order to learn the ropes.
And then, during one conversation, as I started to fret, I spotted what was happening.
I had stopped listening. My attention was on my own thinking, once again.
🤦🏻♂️
It helped me to realise that whether you're in a conversation that's ripe with conflict, or you're taking on board new information from another person, or you're watching a training video, the principles remain the same:
In my case, it was only when I spotted thoughts like,
- I don't know what that means!
- How would I go about doing this?
- I think they're assuming I know more than I do
- Oh Jesus I can't ever imagine any of this making any sense to me – all is lost!
…that I realised (again) I'd become distracted and the answer was to be present to the situation and take wisdom's guidance.
Which, a lot of the time, consists of me asking questions!
One of my favourite Innate Health teachers, Amy Johnson, always used to talk about “showing up dumb” to her sessions (because the opposite would be to come attached to expectations), and I'm pleased to report that in my new job, I can confirm: I'm a natural!
😂
Giles
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