> ## Content Index
> Fetch the complete content index at: https://www.gilespcroft.com/llms.txt
> Use this file to discover other available public pages before exploring further.

# Permission to be happy
- URL: https://www.gilespcroft.com/permission-to-be-happy/
- Published: 2026-09-07T06:00:28.000Z
- Updated: 2026-09-07T06:00:28.000Z
- Description: The little switch that makes a big difference 😌
- Author: Giles P Croft
- Tags: Thought realisation, Stress, Real stories, Psychology, Neuroscience, Life change, Insight, IMPLICATIONS, Habit change, Guilt, Grief, Expectations, Attention, Acceptance, #1:1 CTA

I've been working with a client recently, who's gradually coming out from beneath a long-standing dark cloud.

They emailed me the other day and said something that stopped me in my tracks – something that hit the nail on the head so squarely, I asked if I could share it, and they said yes.

(Thank you 🥰)

We'd been talking about the [outside-in illusion](https://www.gilespcroft.com/outside-in-perils/)—how it looks like ‘in order to’ experience happiness and contentment we need to change our circumstances to be ‘just so’—and they fessed up that,

> *“I've been living this way for a long long time … change this in order to be ok and feel alright”*

Yeah, me too. I'd had [46 years of smashing myself](https://www.gilespcroft.com/17-days-the-lead-up/) up against life, trying to wrestle happiness out of *it*, until someone pointed out to me that actually it was [already within me](https://www.gilespcroft.com/17-days-innate-health/).

😳

And you know what? I'm human, so I get seduced by my own thinking with alarming regularity, still. They went on:

> *“I don't feel alright, quite a bit.”*

And again, ditto. I bet a lot of us ‘don't feel alright quite a bit’ too (dear reader, you are *not* alone). But there's a hidden reason for some of that, and this is what my client hit on, so pointedly, when they detailed exactly *how* they were gradually coming out from beneath their long-standing dark cloud:

> *“I notice that when I do feel alright, I notice this much more and in a way don’t allow myself to get upset that I am feeling OK, as if I don’t deserve to.”*

Oh my word, that's it! There it is!

🙌🏻

## Patterns of thinking

We are creatures of habit. I remember reading something by the neuroscientist Dr Lisa Feldman Barrett about how we’ve evolved for energy conservation, and that means finding a way of doing something mentally, and then sticking with it. Thinking differently is costly!

So if we have little scripts running, like *‘I need x, y or z to be like this in order to feel ok’*, then the pattern-loving mind is going to hold these effortless-looking [superstitions](https://www.gilespcroft.com/superstitions/) in place. Because the prospect of working hard to overcome them is too much for it.

(Which is why I think a lot of people get put off properly exploring the Innate Health understanding – because it *can* look like it’s another [philosophy to take on board](https://www.gilespcroft.com/this-is-not-a-philosophy/), or a wellbeing system that they [have to sign up to](https://www.gilespcroft.com/the-red-flag-of-one-solution/#the-betting-on-horses-metaphor), or it’s going to involve committing to [a regular practice](https://www.gilespcroft.com/trying-to-apply-what-ive-learned/). It’s really not!)

## Not ok to feel ok

Another of those sneaky little patterns that get embedded by our conditioning is the *‘It’s not ok to feel ok‘* superstition, which is where my client had been at, *“for a long long time.”*

When we’re surrounded by messages telling us we have to work *hard* at feeling good (the entire premise of the ‘Personal Development’ industry), then feeling good without effort feels… wrong.

Add in to that a lifetime’s trying to do the ‘right thing’ by our parents and our teachers, or storing up old experiences of having been *shamed* by said guardians… and you’ve got yourself a cast iron formula for not feeling good. For a long long time!

🤷🏻

It reminds me of a fantastic bit of Jack Pranky’s book [Modello](https://amzn.to/3SO15iM?ref=gilespcroft.com), that details what happened when the Innate Health understanding was brought into a severely deprived, inner-city community.

One of the residents, Rosie, thought it was a load of baloney, until she realised this same, devastatingly simple fact:

😮

You already **have* permission to feel ok. Without condition.

Talking about working with Dr Roger Mills, the Innate health practitioner who was running things, she said,

> *“At first it didn’t make a lot of sense because to be happy, you’ve been programmed to think that’s hard work; it’s not something that’s natural. But he proved me wrong! It’s not hard work. I don’t have to beat myself in the head when I get happy!”*

😆

I mean it sounds a bit silly when you type it out, but *all* of us are guilty of doing this, one way or another. It’s subtly-undermining, societally-conditioned [superstitious thinking](https://www.gilespcroft.com/superstitious-thinking/).

But it’s a trick of the mind that you can see through, allowing yourself to actually experience your god-given right: **to be happy!**

In the book, Rosie concluded:

> *“I don’t get upset any more when I get happy, because there are people who always say that if you get too happy, something is going to happen. So you be so happy and you’re wondering,* ‘Why am I feeling so good today? God, something is going to happen! I got to hurry up and get myself in a bad mood, because something is going to happen!’*”*

(I’ve listened to that bit of the audiobook a few times, and I laugh out loud every time – it’s brilliant! 😂)

## Unlearning can take time

The fact that I write to you about the Innate Health understanding several times a week, and that this website is dedicated to examining it from every. possible. angle, *can* give the impression that there’s a lot to learn or understand.

But that’s just a function of how damned sticky the outside-in illusion is, when in reality the whole thing pretty much boils down to this:

😀

****Recognising that it’s ok to feel happy.**

Now, if the mind’s been very noisy for a long long time, then feeling good—unconditionally—is going to feel really frickin’ *alien* at first. It’s going to feel spectacularly wrong!

Which is why it can take some time to unlearn the (mind’s) ‘need’ to be unhappy, or bothered, or stressed.

It might even take a bit of [practice](https://www.gilespcroft.com/practice/). 

Not the *effortful* kind.

The *noticing* kind.

Which is why I show up for you in your inbox several times a week, and will continue to do so for as long as I can.

💝

Giles

p.s. Big love and big thanks to my glorious client, who sparked this whole train of thought with their honesty and openness – you rock! 😍

GET YOUR OWN CHANGES 

[![CTA Image](https://storage.ghost.io/c/9b/f3/9bf3d316-7d32-494b-814f-a7d94d6358c3/content/images/2026/01/GPC-mugshot-at-desk_800px.jpg)](https://www.gilespcroft.com/individuals) 

Know that it's time for significant life change? Had enough of reading and now ready to sort the problem out once and for all, with 1:1 support?

I help you get the change you need, in a way that's just right for you.

[Apply now ](https://www.gilespcroft.com/individuals)