> ## Content Index > Fetch the complete content index at: https://www.gilespcroft.com/llms.txt > Use this file to discover other available public pages before exploring further. # “It's total bull$h!t” - URL: https://www.gilespcroft.com/its-total-bull-h-t/ - Published: 2026-08-09T06:00:45.000Z - Updated: 2026-08-09T06:00:45.000Z - Description: A favourite TV show of mine inadvertently lets slip the key to fulfilment 👾 - Author: Giles P Croft - Tags: Identity, TRUE NATURE, Thought realisation, Sunday Spiritual, Relationships, Music, Film & TV, Mental Health I've been watching [*Halt and Catch Fire*](https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2543312/?ref%5F=fn%5Ft%5F1&ref=gilespcroft.com) again. For a nerd like me, who grew up in this era, it's pure catnip: the development of PCs, the history of the Internet *and* a bunch of 80's electro-pop, oh my! All with a stellar cast, wrapped in a compelling drama. It's awesome. 🤓 💻 🎹 😍 One of the characters, Cameron, has a complicated past. Much has been collected in that Thought System 📦 of hers, and for most of the programme, she takes what's in there pretty seriously. (Give her a break – it's innocent, and she's human, after all. Who here *hasn't* taken their thinking too seriously from time to time, I wonder…? Me included.) 🤔 Thought not. And because [behaviour follows our relationship to thought](https://www.gilespcroft.com/behaviour-stems-from-belief/), this means that for most of the programme, she exhibits some fairly self-destructive tendencies. Ego's running the show, it's going completely unquestioned, and it's rampaging through her life. It makes for great drama, worthy of a TV show! *\[Mild spoilers follow\]* Until she takes a job offer to live on the other side of the world, immerses herself in [an entirely different culture](https://www.gilespcroft.com/your-ads-my-ads/#:~:text=It%E2%80%99s%20a%20bit%20like%20that%20thing%20where%20you%20go%20on%20holiday%20and%20actually%20embrace%20all%20of%20the%20cultural%20discrepancies), and—experientially—comes to the following conclusion: > *“You go through life and you have this idea of who you are and what you do and then you discover it’s total bull$h!t. It’s a defence mechanism. And once you stop defending your self you can be all these other things…”* And I have taken the liberty of slowing down the word **‘yourself’** to a more truthful **‘your self’** there, because that's what she's talking about here: ‘self’ (with a small ‘s’) – that collection of [other people's opinions](https://www.gilespcroft.com/recordings/), stale memories and [left brain objects](https://www.gilespcroft.com/created-not-discovered/), that is surmised (by that same mind) as being an actual *thing*. It *looks* like it's a real entity (an id-entity! 😮) which means of course it needs [protecting at all costs](https://www.gilespcroft.com/whos-under-attack/). I mean, why wouldn't it, if it's alive? Everything that's alive wants to *stay* alive, doesn't it? But protecting that thought-created ego construct 📦 is exhausting, and in doing so we inadvertently place [artificial limits on our lives](https://www.gilespcroft.com/a-you-shaped-aperture/), for example: - Working [beyond breaking point](https://www.gilespcroft.com/ill-be-happy-when/), because we're innocently protecting a ‘high achiever’ identity - Sacrificing our [authentic desires](https://www.gilespcroft.com/mashing-both-pedals-at-once/) as we unwittingly protect a ‘people-pleasing’ identity - Watching the list of things we feel we can do slowly shrink, as we innocently defend a ‘[mental health problem](https://www.gilespcroft.com/what-is-mental-health/)’ identity - Experiencing [conflict in our relationships](https://www.gilespcroft.com/finding-common-ground-in-conflict/) as we helplessly defend a ‘being right’ identity… …and the list goes on (and on and on – there's really [no limit to ego identities](https://www.gilespcroft.com/the-many-outfits-of-ego/)). You'll have your own, if you slow down for a moment and consider this question: > **What identity are you busy protecting?** (Give yourself a break – it's innocent, and you're human after all.) Now consider what artificial limits that Ego Construct 📦 is placing on **your* life…? 🤔 Finally, what would happen if you *stopped* defending that story-version of your self? What other things would you get to be? 💖 Giles p.s. [Halt and Catch Fire](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Halt%5Fand%5FCatch%5FFire%5F%28TV%5Fseries%29?ref=gilespcroft.com) is worth it for the title sequence alone. If this 31 seconds of Trentemøller-crafted pumping electro theme tune doesn't set your pulse racing, then maybe the series is not for you: ![audio-thumbnail](https://storage.ghost.io/c/9b/f3/9bf3d316-7d32-494b-814f-a7d94d6358c3/content/media/2026/08/Halt-and-Catch-Fire---Intro-Opening-song_thumb.jpeg) Halt and Catch Fire - Title Sequence 0:00 /31.033469 1× SIGN UP FOR THE DAILY REMINDERS newsletter [![CTA Image](https://storage.ghost.io/c/9b/f3/9bf3d316-7d32-494b-814f-a7d94d6358c3/content/images/2025/12/DR_Lockup-Black-1.png)](#/portal/signup) Want to start **your* days with helpful, insightful content like this? The Daily Reminder is a quick, lighthearted email that arrives in your inbox, to help keep you grounded in reality, so that you get to **‘Think less, and live more.’* **“They feel like a moment of stillness in a world of madness.” \~* Neil, UK **“One of those small things with big impact. Honestly, just sign up!”* \~ Paula, UK [GET YOURS NOW ](#/portal/signup) ### Related [Embrace your inner weirdDo you have weird behaviours? Me too. How about you stop making a big deal of it? 😅![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/9b/f3/9bf3d316-7d32-494b-814f-a7d94d6358c3/content/images/icon/DR_Lockup-Black-3-2ff59c7f-d451-44cf-8b34-7084fb5e944c.png)The Daily RemindersGiles P Croft![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/9b/f3/9bf3d316-7d32-494b-814f-a7d94d6358c3/content/images/thumbnail/2024-08-18-Kitchen-work-surface-1119w-630h-1-73baaed5-9afb-497f-9fc0-9030b06ab8a6.jpg)](https://www.gilespcroft.com/embrace-your-inner-weird/) Don't try and ***ditch** your Ego Construct 📦 – celebrate its nonsense! 🥳